Obituary
Tom graduated from Edgewood High School in Madison, WI in 1965. He received his bachelor’s degree from Lewis University and earned his master’s degree from University of Illinois – Chicago. Tom was living in Chicago and pursuing his first career, in social work, when his cousin Joanne Topham made an introduction to her coworker, and his future wife, Rita Adelman.
Rita and Tom were married on January 7, 1973 and they relocated from Chicago to Fort Wayne, IN in 1979. There, Tom joined his late father-in-law Jack and brother-in-law Larry in the Adelman family business, Admetco. Over the next 20+ years, Jack, Larry and Tom grew this scrap metal recycler into a leading processor of non-ferrous metals. Following the sale of Admetco in 2004, Tom and Larry continued their partnership and purchased Deister Concentrator, a manufacturer of mining industry equipment.
Tom’s entrepreneurial spirit motivated him in the workplace, and after his oldest son Joshua was born with Down syndrome in 1978, Josh motivated Tom to make a difference in the lives of people with disabilities. This journey started with the founding of The Learning and Development Center in Fort Wayne. At the time, programs for young children with disabilities were limited, therefore, Tom, Rita, and several other parents were determined to create a school with higher standards.
Tom spent 40+ years playing an instrumental role in the Down syndrome community on a local, state and national level. He spent countless hours in Washington advocating for policy reform, and he worked tirelessly to improve educational opportunities for children with disabilities. He held numerous roles with Down syndrome organizations including Board Chair for the National Down Syndrome Congress (NDSC) and the National Down Syndrome Society (NDSS).
Tom’s passion for disability advocacy never wavered. Later in life, he volunteered his time, taking on high-level roles within multiple not-for-profit organizations including the AWS Foundation in Ft. Wayne, IN (Board Chair) and Chapel Haven Schleifer Center in New Haven, CT. Most recently and until his passing, Tom was Chairman of the Chapel Haven Schleifer Center Board of Directors. Chapel Haven Schleifer Center held a very special place in his heart, as Josh attended and graduated from its postsecondary education program, and has remained in New Haven as a CH community member for over 25 years.
Tom enjoyed discovering different parts of the world with his favorite travel companion, Rita. Whether traveling to see family, catching a sporting event, being on the beach in the Caribbean, or exploring Europe and Asia, Tom was happiest with Rita by his side. One of the biggest journeys Tom and Rita took was relocating from Ft. Wayne to New Haven in 2021.
Two of Tom’s biggest interests were reading and diving into political history; He had a vast collection of presidential biographies and signatures. Over the years, he made countless visits to his old stomping ground of Chicago, where his younger son Noah and daughter-in-law Ashley live. Tom cherished the time he got to spend with his three grandchildren Ryan, Max, and Tess, and while in Chicago, he loved getting to Wrigley Field to cheer on the Cubs.
Tom was the beloved husband of 52 years of Rita O’Neill, treasured father of Josh O’Neill and Noah (Ashley) O’Neill and adoring grandfather of Ryan, Max, and Tess. Tom was the loving brother of Liz (Joe) LaBella, the late Pat (late Francis) Gorst, the late Bob (Joyce) O’Neill, and the late Mary (late Bob) Byrne. He was the dear brother-in-law of Leah (Harvey) Ruttenberg and Larry (Carol) Adelman. Tom was the devoted son of the late Jerry and the late Helen O’Neill and son-in-law of the late Jack Adelman. Tom is also survived by many special cousins, nieces, nephews and friends.
In lieu of flowers, donations in Tom’s memory may be made to Chapel Haven Schleifer Center using the following link: https://secure.qgiv.com/for/chapelhavenschleifercenter.
Chapel service Monday, October 13, 12:15 PM at Shalom Memorial Funeral Home, 1700 W. Rand Rd, Arlington Heights, IL. Interment to follow at Shalom Memorial Park. For a link to view the service, shiva information, and to leave condolences: www.shalommemorial.org, 847-255-3520.
Service Information
Service : Monday, October 13th at 12:15 pm
Service Location: Shalom Chapel Service -Shalom Memorial Funeral Home
Interment:
Shalom Memorial Park
1700 West Rand Road
Arlington Heights
Guest Book & Memories
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October 27th, 2025
I remember Tom and Rita from when my daughter ( Ashley) attended the Learning and Development Center. I am forever grateful for all Ashley learned while attending there AND the support we took with us through the years. God bless you. Our deepest sympathy to Rita and his family.
~Renee Ely
~Acquaintance, Harlan IN
October 13th, 2025
We have had the pleasure of knowing Tom and Rita for 7 years, when they welcomed us to Fieldstone Village, and developed a close loving relationship, sharing Jewish holidays and many dinners together. Stan and I enjoyed Tom’s intellectual curiosity, broad knowledge of US history and his love and devotion to Chapel Haven Schleifer center. We will miss his company tremendously, but know that his legacy lives on in his family. Our deepest condolences to our dear friend Rita, Josh, Noah and Ashley and family..
With love, Donna and Stan Hersh
~Donna and Stanley Hersh
~Friends and neighbors, Orange, Ct
October 13th, 2025
My son Daniel is friends with Josh. The O’Neills have hosted him many times and I have learned what a special, kind, family they are. I had the pleasure of meeting Tom & Rita only once . I send my sincere condolences to the family. May Tom’s memory be a blessing.
~Ardith Vines
~Acquaintance from CHSC, Durham NC
October 12th, 2025
Tom was such a special person. He was special to everyone who knew him and he in turn made each of us feel special to him. Dearest Cousins, he was greatly loved and will be greatly missed.
~Janet Salnitsky
~Cousin, Chicago, IL
October 12th, 2025
I only recently had the privilege of meeting Tom as a new member of the CHSC board. Tom was warm and engaging and ensured that I felt welcome on the board, frequently reaching out to ensure that I was up to date and to answer any questions that I may be having with regard to the work of the board. He modeled patience and a strong passion and determination in his support of all of the members of the CHSC community. I am honored to have known him for this short time and extend condolences to all who knew and loved him.
Warmest regards
Barbara
~Barbara Cook
~colleague from Chapel Haven Schleifer Center, Apex, NC
October 11th, 2025
We met Rita and Tom when we moved to Fieldstone Village and immediately formed a bond as friends and kindred spirits. From dinners out to celebrating holidays, Rita, Tom and often Josh were true friends. So it is with heavy hearts that we try to cope with Tom’s passing.
Tom was a mensh, someone who knew what needed to be done and the best and kindest way to get there. We will always remember that, as we are sure that Rita, Josh and Noah will take comfort in that as well.
May his memory be a blessing.
~Shelley and Jerry Shapiro
~Friends and Neighbors, Orange CT
October 10th, 2025
Hi to All the O’Neills,
Rita , Josh,Noah Ashley,Ryan.Max, Tess
Tom. & I had some great times together through the years.
I think he was just 15 when Liz & I started dating.
We kind of grew up together & had lots of laughs along the way.
I remember visiting you guys in Chicago, & Ft. Wayne. We Missed the trip we hoped to make to you in Connecticut
A great bro in law, w/ great family,
Our best to all of you!
Your bro in law, Joe
I still remember all the laughs
And remember that you helped me shop for my first suit when I graduated from dental school! You had better taste than me.
You were The Man! Joe
~Joe La Bella
~Brother in law for life, Naples, fl
October 10th, 2025
Tom was one of the very first persons I met ten years ago when I moved to my new neighborhood. He was so kind and welcoming and always stopped to talk to me with interesting conversation.
My sincere condolences to lovely Rita and the entire O’Neill family.
~Vicki Lewis
~Friend and Neighbor, Orange, CT
October 10th, 2025
Our deepest condolences and sympathy to Rita and the entire O’Neill family. We have only known Tom for a few years now, but quickly came to realize what a special and unique individual he was. He will be greatly missed here in Fieldstone.
~Trish and Alan Ruskis
~Friend, Orange, CT
October 10th, 2025
We volunteered with Tom on several Down syndrome activities, state and national level. Our sincere condolences to Rita and his family. Tom always had exceptional wisdom and compassion for persons with disabilities.
~Larry and Karen Kaser
~, Carmel, Indiana
October 10th, 2025
Aunt Rita, Joshua ,Noah and Family,
Our deepest sympathy to all of you. He was a caring thoughtful Uncle who we will miss. He would always call and check in to see how we were doing. He will not be forgotten. Love to all.
~Michael and Luanne Gorst
~Nephew, Rice Lake Wi
October 9th, 2025
BDE
Sending my deepest condolences, Tom was such a special person.
~Tara Maya
~Cousin, Jacksonville, FL
October 9th, 2025
Dear Rita, Josh , Noah, Liz, Joe and family.
Tom was a wonderful man . He will be remembered for many things, especially for the important work that he did for those in the Down Syndrome community and for others with disabilities.
We are sending thoughts and prayers for comfort in this difficult time.
May Tom rest in peace.
John and Pat LaBella
~John and Pat LaBella
~Friends, Madison , WI
October 9th, 2025
Our sincere condolences for Tom’s family. Thank you for all he did to help our loved ones with Downs syndrome have a better life!
Deb and Russ
~Debra Glasper
~Friend with Down Syndrome Community, Ft. Wayne IN
October 9th, 2025
Noah and Family.
You are all in our thoughts and prayers. May you find comfort in the wonderful times you shared with your father. The memories shared here by others who new him are so touching.
Or deepest condolences,
Carrie Campion and Aaron Zaretsky
~Carrie Campion and Aaron Zaretsky
~Friend, Chicago, IL
October 9th, 2025
My Baby brother was the BEST,
Tom & I shared laughter, tears, joys, sorrows, & so many memories!
I miss him already & will continue to miss him and to honor his life & memory!
His sense of humor was a great part of his persona & where he connected. & thrived!
God Bless & see you in forever!
~Elizabeth LaBella
~Sister, Naples Florida
October 9th, 2025
We feel honored to have met and become friendly with both Rita and Tom in 2014: Tom was kind, smart, gentle, soft spoken and, at times, very funny! We certainly did not have the pleasure of his company long enough. We will miss him greatly.
Our deepest condolences to Rita, Josh, Noah and family and all Tom’s loved ones.
~Howard & Martha Taubin
~Friends & Neighbors, Orange, CT
October 8th, 2025
Rita, Noah, and Josh, I am so sorry for your loss. Tom was a lovely human, and a good friend to my family. I’m thinking of you all.
~Wendy Stein
~, Fort Wayne
October 8th, 2025
The day I met Tom, while interviewing for my current position at DSANI, we talked for 3 1/2 hours. I walked away from that meeting knowing that I had just met one of the kindest, wisest people ever. I’m happy to say, I was not wrong. I always enjoyed discussions with Tom, as they were always impactful. I will miss him dearly.
To Tom’s family – he was so very, very proud of you all! Always know and remember that. The void in your life is huge, but the memories you carry of your dear father and husband will go forward with you.
With deepest condolences,
Shelley Yoder
~Shelley Yoder
~Acquaintance, Fort Wayne, IN
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